“Lady Driven”: How our perspective on our possessions relates to other areas of life.

What does “Lady Driven” mean? Urban Dictionary, that reputable source of information (ha!) defines it: “A term sometimes seen in used car ads, suggesting a car has been gently driven, but may also suggest it has dents and scratches from hitting cars and other fixed objects in parking lots and garages.” Nice. Growing up I thought it meant only what Chrysler Ontario’s website says: “A few decades ago, when women were less likely to drive their own vehicles, it was meant to imply that the car had been driven ever so gently.”

Before all the Driven Ladies out there get in a twist about this horrifyingly archaic term and its roots, rest assured, I view it as a largely obsolete term. I know of several women who not only drive like fiends, but who do so with great skill on racetracks and are very responsible drivers on roads, and sidewalks (just kidding about the sidewalks). But guess what! I actually fit within the obsolete stereotype to a degree. Not in the scratches and dents part, but that I treat my stuff gently and with great care resulting in long and useful “lives”. And that’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Part of my condition stems from being a frugal person. To avoid unwanted expenses I like to use things without damaging or breaking them. I don’t usually care if they outlast current trends. As a kid I’d chuckle at the silly “old folks” on the ski hills that, in the 1990s, looked like they fell out of the 1970s, zooming down the hill in their vintage-coloured one-piece ski suits. Now my chuckle has turned to admiration. There’s something impressive about gear lasting 20 years, being kept in good working condition, still fitting, and being bravely worn almost in resistance to the pressure to stay current and look modern. I had a professor who used to say, “What’s old is new and what’s new is old”, and I believe that to be quite accurate.

My mom has always adhered to her dad’s manner of carefully treating property and it has rubbed off. I recall specifics about tools and gardening implements that were always cleaned after use before putting them away (each in its own tidy spot). Imagine how a bit of extra clean up at the end of use can extend the life of an object drastically; not to mention how that extra clean up streamlines future work sessions because tools are easy to find and ready to use! My aunt (mom’s sister) clearly had the same fatherly lessons imprinted on her too. I continually marvel at the impeccable, organized state of her home as seen clearly in the below shot of her workbench.

Impeccably clean and organized workbench of my Aunt.
It always looks like this - not just on photo shoot days. So stunning!

I still have various items over two decades old. Some are wheeled, some are worn. A pair of  Technic roller blades I still happily use were a spending splurge for me about 25 years ago. That is a point that bears mentioning – the splurge. Most times one gets what one pays for. If one purchases cheap, low-quality goods, then typically a long life expectancy is unrealistic. In that case “what’s new is old and what’s old is new” becomes “what’s new is short-lived, and what’s old is broken”.

That said, my indulgent rollerblade purchase was around $270. The roller blades are a soft-shell (vs. blister-inducing, unyielding plastic boots), and remain comfortable and intact. I’ve changed the wheels a number of times (less than one would imagine as I rotate them to mitigate drastic wear and tear), and the brake pads are long gone and removed as I’ve learned to stop safely by other means (dragging a foot so wheel walls do the braking).

Some of my pretty old but fully functional wheeled gear

My splendid silver bullet of a bike was an exciting purchase I made before moving to Ottawa in 2008 (back then the cost was big to me – now it’s hard to find a used bike at the same price). It’s a hard tail (no rear suspension) Specialized Rock Comp mountain bike and I don’t know much more than that. I’ve tweaked it over the years, had regular tune ups, tire changes, and upgraded the front suspension. And while I’m not a maniac on the trails (and unfortunately haven’t been on the trails as much in recent years), I put that bike through its paces. Much off-roading through muck, mire and weeds, up and down steep, rocky routes mean I am not afraid to work my gear pretty hard. 

This next one’s a bit embarrassing. As a teenager I bought a black t-shirt featuring a radioactive symbol with a warning that read “Danger! Toxic Gas in Rear,” and I thought it was hilarious! I wore it with no qualms for years. I always hung it to dry vs. using a dryer as I didn’t want the decal to crack and peel off. Needless to say, I still have that shirt and it’s still hole-free and legible and it serves as a painting shirt since I’m no longer as comfortable wearing it in public. No need to advertise a truth prematurely to strangers, I say…. Until very recently I had a t-shirt from my college days (that’s over 20 years ago) featuring a robo-bear hand-drawn by one of the students from the Interpretive stream of the Illustration Program. I think it got more public use than my Toxic Gas one, and so eventually developed holes and became faded. I promoted it to studio rags and it now helps me keep other equipment clean.

A couple decades-old shirts (the image on the left shows one in its “youth” (and me in mine) when I was touring around New Zealand - hence the Maori carving - shortly after college.

Speaking of painting supplies - don’t get me started on paintbrush care! I cringe when I see brushes left sitting in water, the wooden handles swelling, bristles becoming splayed. Or, worse – brush bristles being doused in paint well over the metal ferrule then improperly cleaned so the paint just collects and can never be liberated from the heel (bristle portion closest to the metal where it’s attached to the handle) rendering the brush stiff, imprecise, and possibly a source of damage to a painting due to old paint colours oozing out where they aren’t wanted.

Excellent examples of abused paintbrushes - NOT MINE!!!

Why I am ranting about caring for “stuff” might be because it’s a tangible expression of an on-going underlying concern I have. I’m dismayed by our throwaway culture and the built-in obsolescence of products - from kitchen tools, to furniture, to technology. That easy discard-and-replace mentality seems to be sneaking (lunging) into our interpersonal interactions as well. There is little desire to pour attention and care (like cleaning a tool after use) into relationships; to work at repairing them when damaged (like fixing an implement that’s bent or broken); to spend time and effort in breathing new life into them (like reupholstering a footstool that has ripped fabric but solid “bones” beneath).  

We are too quick to throw away the whole relationship rather than trying to clear up the bit that’s damaged so we can see afresh its strong, good underlying foundation. It wouldn’t hurt to treat both our belongings and our relationships with some tender, loving, care so they can go the distance, remaining fully functional, robust and in peak condition. Things are never as valuable as people and, I dare say some of our relationships would be enriched if we treated them as lovingly as we treat our prize possessions. And while a can opener is easier to deal with than a person, it is a profound responsibility and joy to treat a person well and see, as a result, how they blossom and the relationship is bolstered. Interactions with a can opener are seldom so fulfilling. End of rant! Thanks for listening!